A Letter to Wendy Jo in Heaven

Dear Wendy Jo in Heaven

Your daughter sits here writing you this letter wishing you would have stayed and your granddaughter wishes you would have stayed. Just the other day she said you were her favorite grandma and that she misses you very much. I know that we are not the only two who love and miss you. There are many more people in this world who love you than I think you realized. Our hearts have broken now that we live without you in our lives. But I am not writing this letter to you to talk about all the people who miss you. I wanted to write you a letter as your daughter expressing to you how I saw you and what I understood about you. I want you to know what I think, because I can’t talk for anyone, but myself.

Mom you did the best you could and by far that was more than good enough, it was fantastic. Although you weren’t the perfect mom, the fact that you gave it your all is better than many out there who don’t try at all. You truly cared about me and you show showed me by always being there. You were there helping me with science fair and cheered me on at every softball game. You helped me practice for that play we were in together and you even let me help you with your lines. I remember how many times I needed your support and you were always there.

You were a great mom who enriched my life with many activities like singing with the choir at the Lied Center here in Lincoln and encouraging me to play clarinet in school. You were at every concert and helped me practice at home. You encourage me to be a better person and helped me to grow. With every activity there was something I learned about life. I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you did for me while I was growing up.

When I was an adult and still needed my mom, you were still there for me. I appreciate the times you took my kids to school and picked them up from school. You are wonderful grandma and accepted my boyfriend’s kids as your grandkids even with the rest of the family trying to exclude them just because their dad and I are not married. You truly are a kind hearted person. I am proud of you that you stepped out of your comfort zone for these kids to come to crowded birthday parties even though your anxiety would bother you. You were much stronger than you let yourself believe.

Looking back at my life, I realize now that I was wild and the doctors never figured out what I needed to help me not be that way. I am sorry I was such a difficult child for you. I know you did the best you could and I know that if those doctors would have figured it out years ago things wouldn’t have been so hard for you with me. It was never your fault that I couldn’t think properly. It wasn’t something you did or didn’t do. This is just the way I was born and with the help I receive now, I have finally come to a place in my life that I am thinking clearly and more rationally. And you were proud of me and how far I had come in my life. This I knew because you showed me and told me so.

I cherished the long talks over cups of coffee in morning after I had dropped kiddos off to school. I can thank you from the bottom of my heart for how much you helped me to grow. During our talks over the past couple of years, I have gained insight to your life and myself. Your experiences are inspiring and I wish you would have seen it that way. You have helped me to understand more about myself by learning more about you. I am forever grateful that you had decided to let me in and to know more of you. I appreciate how brave you were talking to me about the past and I am grateful we came to a place where we forgave each other. I am happy that we came to a place of love and appreciation.

You are a very special person to me and forever you will be remembered in the hearts of all the people who loved you. I know you will remain alive in my heart for the rest of my life. I love you mom and I am sorry for everything. I hope you are up in heaven with everything made clear, no doubt left in your mind. I believe you have found peace among the angels and hopefully I will see you again someday.

With all my love,

Your daughter

Emily Rose

How a certain person helped change my life

Just a month after I turned 16, I was fortunate enough to cross paths with Dan. Of course, back then I had no idea that he would become so influential to me. In fact, after that first time, I didn’t see him again for over a year. If I remember correctly, the first couple of times I saw him when I was 17, he didn’t seem to want me around. Maybe that was just me and my interpretation of him, but I thought him as difficult to be around. Looking back, I think it was just me being pessimistic. I never had much trust in other people, until the past few years now.

It only took a few times of hanging out with Dan to realize this man was smart and only wanted the best for the people around him. There were times he stood up for me and had my back. He really showed me that he cared and valued our friendship. When I started college at 18 and out of town, I would always came back to visit and hang out. At that time, Dan was one of my best friends. He earned that title by always being there when I needed him. I remember being at his house and playing crusader with him on two separate computers in the basement. And other times, we would listen to music, mostly Tech N9ne and have conversation. We would talk about everything and sometimes I asked him for advice. He always had the best advice and normally I took his advice. He gave me insight on life with his point of view and he has years of experience on me, so I listened.

He taught me how it was to be a real friend. Years later, I still believe he is the best friend I have ever had. He has always been patient with me, more than someone should expect from someone else. He showed me he believed in me when no one else did. He stood by me through so many difficult life situations. He was the first person to ever make me believe in myself. He gave me motivation and helped get through college.

He helped shape me into the person I am today. By listening to him and observing how he interacts, I have learned how to be as a person. I was once a lost young woman with no direction to my life. I was confused about who I was and what I wanted in life. After many long conversations with him, I have been able to sort through all my thoughts and line up the things that matter as well as toss out the ideas that are dead ends.

I have learned more about myself by knowing Dan. There is something about him that can make anyone open up and realize things about themselves. He has this way of making you feel comfortable and he shows you how understanding he is. He listens with his heart and talks with his brain. He has helped me by reminding me to be patient and not to worry about the future until it’s here. He is one of the wisest people I have ever had the pleasure to meet.  

Anti-Bucket List

1.     I hope I never have to cliff jump. I think that is one thing I could never do.

2.     I never want to be homeless again.

3.      I never want to weigh close to 300 lb again.

4.     Not get into graduate school.

5.     I never want to lose hope and faith.

6.     I never want to spend more time away from my family than I have to.

7.     I don’t want to make enemies with anyone.

8.     I don’t want to have any more surgeries.

9.     I don’t want to fall down the stairs anymore.

10. I don’t want to die never been married.