Monday, September 14, 2015

A Letter to the Younger Me

I have written a letter to the younger me once before and it can be found at this link here. I have decided to write myself again. I find that this writing exercise can be very empowering and helps to process the things learned over the years. Memories are wonderful things, because they are yours alone and no one can take a memory away from you.

Dear Emily Rose at 17,

Not everything in life will be enjoyable. There will be tough situations thrown at you that will require you to control your emotions and think with a clear head. In order to make progress and move forward in your life, it would be beneficial for you to learn how to control your emotions sooner rather than later. This skill is very valuable for you and I want you to be more comfortable in your own skin. When you finally learn about how to control your thoughts, controlling your emotions will become easier. Don’t give up on yourself and stay focused on your goals. I know you can overcome anything life throws at you, because I know how strong you are and how much you have overcome already.

Some things will happen in life that nothing I could say to you would prepare you for. I would like to warn you not to explode your emotions on everyone else when something bad does happen. You may very well push away the one person who has always been there for you. I just want you to think about your actions and words before they happen to cause damage to the rest of your life.

As time goes on, so does life. Things will happen in life that you cannot control and although you would like to be able to control everything, it would be best to learn how to let some things go. The past is gone and dwelling over what you should’ve done differently will not change what has already happened. Instead, I want you to try your best to learn from those situations. You will see that everything happens for a reason and although you may not understand the reason at first, have faith that in the end everything will work out for the best.

A very important thing to remember is that not everything in your life will be difficult or unpleasant. There will be great times with fantastic people who enlighten your mind and warm your heart. I wish more than anything that you would spend more time appreciating the enjoyable and less time worrying or dwelling. The more time you spend being grateful the better you will feel inside. There are many reasons for you to smile. You just need to open your eyes and see how beautiful your life can be.

I need you to know you have potential and will accomplish the things you set your mind to. I am very proud of your achievements in college and how you managed to graduate with your bachelor’s degree. Yes it may take you longer than you had planned, but nothing in life will always go the way you had planned. Remaining flexible and being able to adjust for life’s unexpected events will ensure that you continue to succeed in your life. You have what you need to succeed inside yourself. You just need to look deep inside and you will see it.

You are going to be a beautiful woman with many opportunities in life. Make sure you are present in your own life that you recognize the great opportunities offered to you. Daydreaming is fun; I’ll give you that, but don’t do it so much that you miss out on everything going on around you. At the same time, do give yourself a break at times and forgive yourself, because everyone makes mistakes. Just be sure to learn from your mistakes.

I know 10 years may seem like a long time for you at this age, but in reality those 10 years will go by quicker than you expect them to. You will have a daughter who depends on you to help her grow up and be an adult on day. Don’t let the precious moments slip away. Make sure to enjoy the little things, because once they are gone, they won’t seem so little any more. Love your life, because it’s the only one you will have. Make the most of each day and don’t let a day go by that you aren’t loving life. Even when it’s hard, life is still beautiful.

Most of all remember to be there for yourself, even when you feel like no one else is.

Love forever,
Yourself at 27  

Sunday, September 6, 2015

A Letter to Wendy Jo in Heaven

Dear Wendy Jo in Heaven

Your daughter sits here writing you this letter wishing you would have stayed and your granddaughter wishes you would have stayed. Just the other day she said you were her favorite grandma and that she misses you very much. I know that we are not the only two who love and miss you. There are many more people in this world who love you than I think you realized. Our hearts have broken now that we live without you in our lives. But I am not writing this letter to you to talk about all the people who miss you. I wanted to write you a letter as your daughter expressing to you how I saw you and what I understood about you. I want you to know what I think, because I can’t talk for anyone, but myself.

Mom you did the best you could and by far that was more than good enough, it was fantastic. Although you weren’t the perfect mom, the fact that you gave it your all is better than many out there who don’t try at all. You truly cared about me and you show showed me by always being there. You were there helping me with science fair and cheered me on at every softball game. You helped me practice for that play we were in together and you even let me help you with your lines. I remember how many times I needed your support and you were always there.

You were a great mom who enriched my life with many activities like singing with the choir at the Lied Center here in Lincoln and encouraging me to play clarinet in school. You were at every concert and helped me practice at home. You encourage me to be a better person and helped me to grow. With every activity there was something I learned about life. I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you did for me while I was growing up.

When I was an adult and still needed my mom, you were still there for me. I appreciate the times you took my kids to school and picked them up from school. You are wonderful grandma and accepted my boyfriend’s kids as your grandkids even with the rest of the family trying to exclude them just because their dad and I are not married. You truly are a kind hearted person. I am proud of you that you stepped out of your comfort zone for these kids to come to crowded birthday parties even though your anxiety would bother you. You were much stronger than you let yourself believe.

Looking back at my life, I realize now that I was wild and the doctors never figured out what I needed to help me not be that way. I am sorry I was such a difficult child for you. I know you did the best you could and I know that if those doctors would have figured it out years ago things wouldn’t have been so hard for you with me. It was never your fault that I couldn’t think properly. It wasn’t something you did or didn’t do. This is just the way I was born and with the help I receive now, I have finally come to a place in my life that I am thinking clearly and more rationally. And you were proud of me and how far I had come in my life. This I knew because you showed me and told me so.

I cherished the long talks over cups of coffee in morning after I had dropped kiddos off to school. I can thank you from the bottom of my heart for how much you helped me to grow. During our talks over the past couple of years, I have gained insight to your life and myself. Your experiences are inspiring and I wish you would have seen it that way. You have helped me to understand more about myself by learning more about you. I am forever grateful that you had decided to let me in and to know more of you. I appreciate how brave you were talking to me about the past and I am grateful we came to a place where we forgave each other. I am happy that we came to a place of love and appreciation.

You are a very special person to me and forever you will be remembered in the hearts of all the people who loved you. I know you will remain alive in my heart for the rest of my life. I love you mom and I am sorry for everything. I hope you are up in heaven with everything made clear, no doubt left in your mind. I believe you have found peace among the angels and hopefully I will see you again someday.

With all my love,

Your daughter

Emily Rose